Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Nemesis of the sock thief.



Unlike the mild mannered Thief of Socks, whose light-hearted removal of Joe Blogger's socks means that Joe is merely left with an odd pair and looks a bit daft when he goes out on a date, the dark-hearted Thief of Keys hides your car keys at the most inconvenient time, when you're most in a panic and need to get somewhere fast; at other times the key thief will cause you to believe you've misplaced your front door key, especially when you're standing on your doorstep, cross-leggedly in need of a pee.

Oooo, he's evil.

9 comments:

Melmoth said...

He's my City of Villains character, in case it wasn't obvious. I just picked an archetype which was entirely fun this time, rather than something that fitted in with his background. If anyone can come up with a reason why an Energy/Electric Brute would work as a key thief, let me know and you can win the following punctuation:

?!

Hexedian said...

I dunno. Electric keycards, maybe? Or does he steal cars by forcing them on with his powers?

Jeromai said...

He plans to make a Doomsday device out of a billion keys, arranged at key angles (ahem) that will amplify his energy and electrical powers into a Destructo-Ray of Immense Force?

Zoso said...

Perhaps he was a night watchman, with suitable large bunch o' keys, and was doing his rounds one night, but a terrible wiring incident meant as he went to unlock a door he was zapped with TEN! BEEEELON! VOLTS! Only he didn't die because... of... energy. Yeah. And now he wants only keys, a well known side-effect of being electrocuted.

Melmoth said...

Electric keycards; so maybe he's just adapting to current technology and instead of stealing physical keys, he messes around with people's RFID tags and car key fobs these days.

And any background that involves puns and doomsday devices has got to be high on the list of recommendations in the comic-book-villain bestseller: Fifty Great Reasons to Start Monologuing. A must read for every villain!

Perhaps the night-watchman had been drinking Lucozade and the inherent energy boost allowed him to survive the mysterious and improbable TEN! BEEEELON! VOLTS that had somehow become wired to a... keyhole. This is really stretching things, even by comic book standards isn't it? Oh well. Now, thanks to the energy drink flowing through his body, not only has he gained super energy powers, but he also has a delightful citrus flavour if you lick him.

Watch out Marvel and DC.

Not.

Heather (errantdreams) said...

He uses his powers to create small magnetic fields that allow him to remotely pull keyrings out of people's pockets and purses. Silly metal keyfrobs are particularly vulnerable to this dastardly form of attack.

brackish said...

okay Melmoth, left field backstory here:
A maniacal Matrix fan, jilted by the death of his favorite character, stays up all night plotting a revenge for the Wachowski brothers.
He begins by driving 1200 miles to the home of the two brothers, drinking cases upon cases of Red Bull. The fan pulls up to the gates of the elaborate mansion and checks his supplies. Drill, screwdriver, chisel, can of wood putty, lockpick and, last but not least, his digital camera. He scales the fence and picks his way into the main area of the home, focusing on his first target.

His revenge would be subtle and widespread. Every door in the home would be changed and the brothers would know who did it. Who else but the Keymaker could be so clever and cause so much damage? They would be locked out of their house four hours, maybe days!

He began at the front of the house and slowly worlked his way to every room and cupboard. No matter what was behind each door, he would lock it up and make them think of him every time they reached for the handle.

One of the smaller rooms on the third floor was the last in his circuit of destruction. However, when he opened the door he did not expect to see the sight before him. Hundreds of artifacts from each of the movies stood on pedestals and shelves around the entire room. All were in pristine condition and remarkable to see in person. Even his determination to do harm to the brothers was set aside this brief moment as he held a few things that only a true fan could understand.

In the far corner was a platform about 7 feet long and covered by an enormous black sheet. He moved to the table and slowly pulled at the corner of the sheet. The elegant body of Trinity began to appear before him. It was obviously a gift from Todd Mcfarlane as the quality was of his highest caliber models. It was almost life-like. He moved closer.

Apparently the Wachowski brothers had a sense of humor when it came to their model of Trinity. After their most recent release party for the film, a $400 cleaning bill for the work of art forced them to secure the sanctity of the doll. The system was an electrical current similar to that of a cattle fence, not enough to kill you, but enough to sit you on your ass.

What they didn't know, was that the person touching Trinity in her nether region, was running on pure Red Bull, and as such blew clear out the of the wall of the building leaving a Kool-Aid man impression in the sheetrock.

They never found that man, but it is rumored that his revenge continues to haunt the country and those who say anything bad about his friend, The Keymaker.

Melmoth said...

I finally finished reading your comment, Brackish.

I started on Friday.

I may have been slightly distracted by the idea of full-size lifelike Trinity dolls too. Possibly maybe.

brackish said...

yeah,

was kinda obnoxious - lol