Monday, 1 October 2007

Thought for the day.

If I were a quest giver, I'd get heroes to:


  • Mow the lawn. Reward: Mighty Blade of the Grass.

  • Fetch the shopping. Reward: Whatever change there is from a tenner.

  • Clear out the loft. Reward: +20 to dust resistance. New ability: Cobweb camouflage.

  • Clean my car. Reward: Dropping covered helmet of Pij'Eon. Disclaimer: Might be a plastic bucket full of dirty car water.

  • Sort out my sock drawer. Reward: The Wholly Holey Sock of Holiness.

  • Feed my cat its medication tablet. Reward: -50hp. -1 eye. +20 tetanus resistance.

  • Cook dinner. Reward: The follow-on quest "Washing dishes is propitious".

  • Do the washing up. Reward: Prune fingers of the Marigoldless.

  • Perform my job for a day. Reward: Ah hah hah ha ha! Hooooooo.

  • Answer the door to cold callers. Reward: -5 Int. +5 Stam.

  • Watch daytime TV and summarise it for me. Reward: -20 Wis. New ability: Train small dogs to cook banana fritters while they ride a unicycle.

  • Clear away the horde of youths hanging around the local shops and being a nuisance. Reward: One thousand gold; it doesn't really matter what the reward, no adventurer has ever returned.

  • Fix the leaking cistern. Reward: +20 water resistance. New ability: Swear like a gangster rapper.

  • Level my current character in the latest MMO grind-fest. Reward: None. As well you know.

  • Perform any other task that people define as 'character building'. Reward: I dunno, +1 in a stat, or something. Apparently.



Thinking about it: if I could get enough adventurers on the books I could start a cleaning company, I'd just tell them that it's a rep. grind and they'd be all over it like a WoW forum on patch day. I'm not sure what Johnny Homeowner would make of a van full of heavily armoured, beefy heroes and buxom heroines unloading on their driveway, though.

Melmoth's Municipal MMO Maids, coming to a zone near you soon.

7 comments:

heather (errantdreams) said...

Oooh. I think you've got something here.

Hey, wait, isn't there an online game somewhere that lets you assign experience points to chores and level up and the like, so you can get your housemates or kids to turn chores into a game? I know I saw that somewhere...

Melmoth said...

Indeed, Chore Wars is a game that could provide a lot of inspiration for things that I could get adventurers to do at my behest.

Penny Arcade provides us with subtle tactics to use to subvert Real Life players http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/07/20

However, Dark Legacy provides us with a significant warning on what it might be to become a quest giver... http://www.darklegacycomics.com/110.html

heather (errantdreams) said...

I had seen the penny arcade strip before, but not the other. In fact, I dropped by here last night, but then got distracted by an hour or so of reading dark legacy and never made it back. I blame you.

Melmoth said...

Surrrre. Blame the infernal denizen of a maleficent underworld realm.

But I ask you, where's your proof? Certainly I provided the link to the nefariously addictive web comic. Certainly I sent you there without warning you of the addictive humour to be found within. Certainly I... uh, I'm not really making a great case here am I.

<sigh> I don't know, one holds dominion over the whole of the Inferno, and yet still needs a lawyer to do their dirty work.

heather (errantdreams) said...

I was just reading your last reply, and mentioned it to my husband, when he gave me a funny look and turned his laptop screen toward me. At that very moment he was reading the DL strips I had forwarded to him.

And so the cycle continues...

Does that make me one of your infernal minions? If so, can we talk benefits?

Melmoth said...

Fringe benefits including excellent sauna facilities and never having to wonder if you'll need to take that umbrella or wrap up warm when you're going out.

Anonymous said...

"Level my current character in the latest MMO grind-fest. Reward: None. As well you know."

too true

Lux