Tuesday, 12 June 2007

FedEx, fed up.

We join our brave adventurer as he arrives at the house of Norom the Confounding with an ancient voluminous tome, which he discovered on the corpse of a small swamp slug. As you do.

Norom the Confounding: "I'm not sure what this is, can you take it to Haddockar on the other side of the world to find out."

Adventurer: "It's a tome."

Norom: "Pfff. Just take it to Haddockar, he'll know what it is."

<Five hours and three hundred crap animal attacks later>

Haddockar: "It's a tome."

<Seven hours, two hundred crap animal attacks and a wrong turn into the Tomb of Pain and Instant Death, later>

Adventuerer: "Haddockar says, it's a tome."

Norom: "A tome you say? Well, let's take look then! Hmm, I can't read it, you'll have to take it to Codur to decode the strange script."

Adventurer: "I can read that language. It's in dwarven runes. I'm a dwarf."

Norom: "Pfff. Just take it to Codur, he'll know what it says."

Adventurer: <mumbles> "It says you're a %#*!"

Norom: "Sorry?"

Adventurer: "Nothing."

<Five hours, one thousand crap animal attacks, a wrong turn and two hours running around the maze of paths in the Forest of Convenient Tree Formations (where there are huge swathes of open space that form a convenient path, until the point you need to go somewhere, and then suddenly there are only walls of trees that have grown so incredibly close together that you can't quite squeeze past. CONVENIENT), later>

Adventurer: "Norom wants you to translate this."

Codur: "Hmmm, they're dwarven runes."

Adventurer: "I know."

Codur: "You can read these, you're a dwarf."

Adventurer: "Really? I hadn't noticed. My beard must have got in the way."

Codur: "Stop wasting my time and take this back to Norom."

<Seven hours, two lag deaths, three drownings, four tickets for speeding and a wrong turn into the Cavern of Lazy Location Design Filled With Elite Mobs, later>

Adventurer: "Codur says that I can translate it."

Norom: "You can translate it eh? Well, have read and tell me what it says."

Adventurer: <mumbles> "It says you're a %#*!"

Norom: "Sorry?"

Adventurer: "It says that we shall find the Immortal Songblade of Nefronggrevat by following its instructions."

Norom: "Immortal Songblade, you say?"

Adventurer: "Yes."

Norom: "Of Nefronggrevat, you say?"

Adventurer: "Uh huh."

Norom: "Never heard of it. Take this to the librarian and get him to find us information about the blade."

Adventurer: "And where, pray tell is the librarian? How many miles, through rabid creatures and mud and biting insects and ogre camps, over mountains and through canyons must I travel to reach this librarian."

Norom: "He's standing right beside me."

Librarian: "Hi!"

<Looks at Librarian. Looks at Norom.>

Adventurer: "Can't you just ask him yourself?"

Norom: "Noooo. No. No. No. No. Yeaaaaaaaaa... no."

Adventurer: "Norom wants a book detailing the Immortal Songblade of Nefronggrevat."

Librarian: "I'm delighted to inform you that I just happen to have a copy on me now. Here you go friend, give this to Norom."

<Looks at Norom. Looks at Librarian>

<Beats them both to death with the book>

Congratulations! You have reached level 2!

1 comment:

Stargazer said...

More... :P