Tuesday, 13 March 2007

The terraces: The terrace for the indefatigable loot linker.

Onwards! Onwards, dear traveller, into the depths of the inferno; we come ever closer to the Third Circle, but let us again take rest on the viewing balcony of another terrace. Regain your strength whilst contemplating the sinners within, our journey will soon continue apace.

The indefatigable loot linkers.

We've all experienced, at one time or another: that lucky item drop that is something above the norm, something a little bit special. Often enough this happens when teamed with a small group of people or when playing solo, and the urge to share your exultation at such fortuitousness often leads to sharing a link of your newly acquired item of wonderment with members of your guild or your circle of friends.

Fear not, dear traveller, for such action will not find you ensconced within the oppressive walls of this particular terrace. No, this place is reserved for those sinners who feel that every item that they've ever owned is worth noting to not just their party, or their friends, or even their guild, but the entire known world.

The indefatigable loot linker begins early, and with a conviction to rival the greatest zealots. From first level they are linking every quest item they are offered; not just the items they gain, which would be tedious enough bearing in mind that every other player has probably had something very similar if not identical offered to them, or will have very soon, no, the loot linker shares every item the quest offers, including the ones they themselves cannot use, and then debates at great length in any channel of communication that hasn't had the foresight to silence or kick them already as to which item they should choose. This would be bad enough, but it doesn't end there: the loot linker, in their discussion of the terribly difficult decision of whether to take the dagger or the staff on offer, will link every item they currently have, and how these new items will affect their current character build. They will deliberate at great length on the difficulty of the decision, they will link items from other quests that are comparable, they will link future items that may be upgrades, they will link all the items they have on auction, and how that might enable them to generate enough money to buy a better item from the auction house or a vendor.

And of course, they link all the possible auction house and vendor items they might be able to buy.

This goes on for quite some time, with nobody being able to communicate with one another for the sheer quantity of linked items being flooded on to all channels, until finally someone yells at the loot linker that they're "only level two, and what the hell does it matter what they pick, because they'll be upgrading the item in question about one hundred times in the next hours worth of levelling!". At which point the loot linker goes off to sulk, but not before linking the rare twink item that they've already bought for their character and can use next level.

Instance runs are another joy, as any item drop from a boss will illicit a blustering tidal wave of deliberation on the part of the loot linker; they debate for an epoch as to whether they should roll on it, because so-and-so an item is better [link], and they might respec in which case they'd prefer [link] or [link] and [link] is nice but [link] would be better if it's a sunny day, but they'd rather have [link] in case it rains, and [link] on the off chance of low-lying smog. Then finally, when someone threatens them with extreme physical disfigurement if they don't make their mind up as to whether they need the item or not, they [link] the very much better item that they're already wielding, and explain how it goes better with their shoes [link] and hat [link].

We must not forget, as well, the utter fruitless linking of the most common quest items in order for people to give the loot linker praise; we're talking of the most common of common items, the items that unless they are somehow levelling their character whilst being entirely unaware of their surroundings (actually, we'll meet examples of these in some of the deeper circles of the inferno), every single player has gained at some time during their adventuring career.

"Hey I just got [The 10,000th Most Common Potato of Extremely Common Ancestry. All Exactly Like This One]."

And there is silence. And more silence. And yet someone, somewhere, feels the need to acknowledge the loot linker. Ohttre (God of Bewilderment) knows why, but they do.

"Grats."

And of course, that is the straw that engulfed the camel in a ten megaton atomic explosion and five hundred year nuclear winter.

"Thanks! I've been wanting [link] for a while because my [link] is getting old, but I'll soon be able to get [link] or [link] or [link] or [link], but then I'll need to change my [link] and [link] so that they're comparable, otherwise I probably won't be able to go to Linkville and get my [link] or link my link link [link] linking [link] link linky linkety [link] link linky link link [link] link link..."

Predictably, it goes downhill from there.

And the moral of the story is: don't acknowledge your indefatigable loot linkers.

Actually the moral is: always hurt, with extreme prejudice, all known indefatigable loot linkers. However, in case you're too decent a soul to do so, never fear, as this terrace of punishment will be here, waiting for them.

As we move on - move along at the back, keep up! - I will just briefly point out to you the linked (just my little joke, there) terrace next door to the one we have recently visited, the protractedly named 'The terrace for those people who feel the need to shout "DING!" in the server global channel so that every player is fully informed of the fact that this person has finally achieved the near-insurmountable task of reaching second level.'

Sinners beware!

2 comments:

Sean said...

Very true, and I have to agree with you on a lot of points. I do loathe those people who link 3 quest reward items expecting some kind of response...very annoying. I guess I am past the point of even caring enough to get upset...

Melmoth said...

You do become numb to it after a while, I grant you.

But I still want to cast Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion on them, all the same.